Fortunate

I consider myself to be pretty fortunate to have been raised in Southern
California. One of the reason's is the availability of excellent Mexican
Food. Being one of my favorite foods, I find that when I travel, I like to
go look for it. Hence this weekend, in the Seattle area, actually closer to
the hated Canada than Seattle, I enticed my gf and her sister to take me to
the local Mexican establishment. Sister identified the "good" place, and
away we went. We enter, and wow, there are actually Mexicans there, okay
there is an instant plus (yes I was expecting an Asian ran establishment).
So we sit down, order up some cervezas and have some chips n salsa. BAM! The
night is ruined already. The salsa tastes like someone took ketchup,
chopped up some green peppers, and tossed in some chili powder. (I equate
this reaction, to an Italian's reaction to having spaghetti with ketchup on
it)
Anyways, I order a chimichanga. Well let's just say I have had
better Chimichangas from Taco Bell, and leave it at that. So the theory
holds true, get away from So Cal, Arizona, or Texas, and you ain't getting
no Mexican food.

Biggest Idiot in the World

Walking along the streets in downtown Seattle over the weekend, I remembered an amusing tale that I would like to share. This guy who was in my college fraternity was walking around in Hollywood one night a few years ago. He allegedly walked up to a parked car, and allegedly asked for directions to some place. However, the fine officers of the LAPD thought otherwise, and he was cited for Male Prostitution. Now the kicker is, he didn't fight it, he just paid his fine and went about his business. Now this guy has a Male Prostitution wrap on his record, and all he did was "ask someone directions"

Bad Math

Not to burst Mr. X’s bubble, but in his blog, Math of Blogging, he states that 4days increases by 5days, to equal 20 days. Okay so 4x5=20. Worded funny, but I follow along. The bad part comes that, by following his logic, that the next incrimate would be at 80days. 20x5=80. HUH?? Maybe by Communist math my friend, but in the Good Ole’ United States, 20x5=100. So it will be 100 days until How Bad Can it Be is updated. So we still have 89 days to go, not 69. To answer one of the earlier questions, of how bad can ‘How Bad Can it Be’ actually be? Well not as bad as your math……

Dead Pool: Who wants in?

To continue a comrade's dead pool and post my own entries:

Pope John Paul II
Gerald Ford
Jimmy Carter
Kobe Bryant (either Shaq or some lifer in Colorado who finds him pretty will get him)
50 Cent (10th times a charm)
I would say George W., but I don't want to incur the wrath of the Secret Service
Fidel Castro
Tommy Lasorda
George Steinbrenner (PLEASE GOD!!!!)
Phil Jackson
Mickey Rooney
Britney Spears (good girl my ass)
Mary Kate or Ashley Olson

Funny thing is, I did one of these 6 years ago, with 4 of the same picks.....

The deal with Pink?

So this weekend, I went to Erotica LA. It was a convention for what it sounds like it was. It was highly disappointing. I expected to see tons of hot stripper looking girls walking around in thigh hi platform boots, and not much else on. Oh yes there were a few attractive ladies in the building, but they were mostly all in the audience. I got to see first hand how well lighting, makeup, and an airbrush can do to make a mediocre girl look attractive.

But what I really want to know is, what the hell is the deal with pink? My god, every booth that was selling stuff, it was all pink. Pink tshirts, pink panties, pink boots, pink @#$@#$@, pink this and pink that. I was hoping to get something in yellow for my lady friend who could not attend, but to no avail, it was all pink. And most of the ladies there were all dressed in pink. If I see another skank in Pink, I am going to puke!

Trip to Petco Park

I just made my first pilgrimage to Petco Park, down in San Diego. The Padres lost to the Blue Jays, 3-2, because their catcher is soft, and plays ole' style defense instead of blocking the plate. The point of this post is not to pound on the catcher. It is infact to comment on the new stadium. 450 million dollars to built the new joint in downtown, next to the Convention Center.

I will have to say that I do not like the new stadium, it is just too much. Oh the field is nice, the scoreboard is sweet, the view is clean, the seats are all comfortable. But looking around the concourse, its just too much. The goal of the stadium, and many of the new stadiums is to capture that rustic feeling of the past stadiums. The outer facade is covered with imported sandstone from India. Looks nice, but not on a baseball stadium. You walk in the gates, and there is an elaborate waterfall. You climb up a lofty flight of stairs, and are in the main plaza. You walk to your seats, going though this area that looks like some upscale mall, like the Forum Shops in Las Vegas. Like I said, it is just too much. It feels like you are going to an Opera House, not a baseball stadium. All in all, I think I like Qualcomm Stadium better, but I guess time will tell.

Strange things in the bathroom!

At work today, I am in the bathroom, doing my morning routine. Someone comes in and sits in the stall 2 down from me. Then I hear the funniest thing, "SHIT"...."FUCKER"....."DAMMIT"...."PUSSY"......"CUNT"...... then the guy finished up, washed his hands and left.  Now I think I know who it was, but I don't want to speculate. Fortunately I haven't been walking down the hall and bumped into him, but I know I would bust up laughing. Now the question is, is the guy so uptight he cannot let anyone knows he swears? Or did he just finish an argument with the wife that set him off??

Religious Phrases

So did the Hindu coin the phrase "Holy Cow"?

The Reagan Funeral Procession

Is it just me, or is anyone else waiting for a White Bronco to come drive up next to the hearse. In case you didnt get the reference, the coverage, the spectators, reminds me a lot of the OJ chase 10 years ago. GO Juice GO!! Flee from DirectTV's persecution!!

Kobe and the Ladies of the world

Something strikes me as funny these days. I was at the Angels game last night, and because of the Laker game, a lot of people were in the Lakers purple n gold. There were quite a few women that were wearing Kobe Bryant jerseys. I find it odd to see this. Now I assume that everyone out there knows about the legal situation of Kobe Bryant, so I will not reset. I know everyone is Innocent until proven guilty, but I know I would not wear jersey of an alleged rapist. If he didn't rape that girl, he still is a Womanizer, and an Adulterer. I guess Women only care about such things when their team isn't in the playoff hunt. Still, you don't see many women wearing OJ Simpson jerseys....

Movie Etiquette

Few crimes in this world should be punishable by death: Murder, Rape, Treason, Child Molestation, Talking on a cell phone during a movie. I do not understand it, why pay 10 bucks for a movie, and then talk on the cell phone during the film? Not to mention pissing off the entire crowd that happens to be in ear shot. The ushers should come up to the person on the cell, bust out the pistol, and deliver the cold lead of justice right then and there, no judge, no jury, no lawyers, no bs OJ “the glove don’t fit, you must acquit” crap.

Not to insult the retarded......

Unlike most my real world tales, I will not preface this one with something to do with work. This may or may not be a coworker, but I will not tell. I have an acquaintance, who has a single male child. This male child is a piece of work, well as far as I can tell, having never met him. All I hear is stories. Rumor has it that child was written off as "not intelligent" by mom when he was in high school. Well Junior (his nickname for story purposes)is 21, maybe 22, has no job, no drivers license, no friends and never known the touch of a woman (a man? well that might be possible). Junior does nothing all day, not even college, but that happens when you fail remedial coloring for the 3rd time (damn staying in the lines). I would say the kid is a retard, but i don't want some Louis Farrikan type guy in a helmet drooling on himself, coke bottle glasses, saying "don't insult the retarded by including us with him" (in the slowest speech possible)
So what has incurred my wrath? Nothing recently, but my friend and I were talking one day, with Junior's mother afoot. We were discussing the acquisition of some Star Wars figures related to the new movie coming out soon (this was a while ago). We discussed how we went to different shops, looking for the individual figures and so on. Well the next day mom comes back around, and says "oh I told Junior about what you said, he said you need to get a life!" Floored, I couldn't react. It is very rarely that I am so shocked that I have nothing to say. In fact everyone else just got really quiet as well. My friend and I just kind of stared at each other, unsure what to say. Here is a deadbeat kid, in the truest sense of the word, insulting me, a college educated, gainfully employed person, and my friend, married, owns a house, college educated. To this day that still bothers me. I don't know why.....

Lord Stanley's Cup

I don't know who Lord Stanley is. However, somehow his cup has become one of the most revered sports trophy in North America, if not the world. Watching the Tampa Bay Lightning skate in victory over the evil Canadian's from Calgary (yes I know many of the Lightning are Canadians, but it's my blog, and I'll write what I want) made me think how great it would be if the Stanely Cup tradition was carried around to other sports. Even better would be if it carried around to the business world. Close a million dollar deal? Run around with office with a huge silver cup over your head, eat cereal out of it, take it to the strip club and let strippers fondle it. Ahh the possibilities... errr well maybe it is not the best idea, but nothing would be cooler to hoist the Stanley Cup as I skated around the rink in triumph.

Ronald Reagan

The reason I consider myself a Republican these days (although that is quickly changing) is because of Ronald Reagan. Being born in 74, I pretty much became sentient during the Reagan Years (a.k.a. the 80s) Times were good from my perspective. The Red Menace was wiped away, the economy recovered from high inflation, and music got sooo much better. Needless to say I have a fondness for the former President. In the last few days, I have had more than a few people say "oh i am so saddened by him dying" People on the news, bawling their eyes out because he had passed. Ronald Reagan was 93 years old. I believe that is like 15 years pass the national average. The man was old, old people die, it is a fact of life. The saddening thing, is that he lived out those 15 years with a debilitating disease, Alzhiemer's. The man spent most of his life in the public eye, governor and president. He deserved better than that.

Don't Blog from the office

In one part audition for a spot on ESPN.com Page Two, part attempt to be humorous, but mostly genuine emotion about my hoops team, my earlier Laker post has taught me one thing, Don't blog at work. I am a very streaky writer, always have been, always will be. I have to be in the Zone. One time, post high school, I was in the Zone for six month, where I had begun my great Novel. I was in the zone, the day of the Lakers rant, the words flowed from my finger tips, as if I had tapped a great river. However, much like the beaver, the horde of Government Workers conspired to dam my river. As I banged away on my overpriced MS Keyboard, one came in "oh how do I print" another "Oh i cant find my email" Even one called to ask how to read directions. I shit you not. Now my river of creative writing had dried up, I felt like a boxer, on the ropes, head pounded in, delirious, flailing my arms about hoping to connect a blow. I pounded away on the keyboard, struggling to maintain coherent thought, let alone regain the flow. But i persevered, limping across the finish line. So moral of the story is, don't blog in the office where you know someone will interrupt you. On second thought, just throw on the headphones, and ignore the world, and blog away.....

A sad, sad day for the Lakers

Note: Post edited to appease the English teacher crowd out there that commented on the lack of paragraphs. Granted as a college educated man, I should know how to do this, but hey its random outpourings of my mind, not War and *(^*^ Peace.

Disgusted. That’s the word I choose to use. For the last year +, since game 6 last year versus the Spurs, when Robert Horrey’s last second shot clanged against the iron, all I have heard from Dr. Buss and Lakerland was how this year was going to be different, how this year’s team is built for winning the Championship. Money was thrown to Karl Malone and Gary Payton, whose thirst for the Gold Trophy of NBA Success out weighed the lore of money, that today’s athlete only cares for.

Yes Karl and Gary took less money to play for the Purple and Gold and to win a ring. And who could forget Derrick Fisher’s tears of sorrow as they Lake Show was bounced from last year’s playoffs. So the Lakers back into the playoffs, amid controversy on and off the court, and go through the motions against the Rockets and the Spurs. But then something happens, the switch is thrown, the Lakers come back from certain death in games 3 and 4 of the Spurs series, showing life as Game 5 is down to the wire, seconds left, Lakers lead, Duncan shoots, scores, Spurs up by 1 with .04 on the clock. But as the head’s of the superstars hung low, a short purple flash of a backup point guard appears, catches and shoots in one graceful motion, swish, the horn, Lakers win, Derrick Fisher is the Mayor of Los Angeles. Riding a wave higher than that in the movie The Day after Tomorrow, (and higher than Snoop Dogg and a Death Row Records party) the Lakers claim game 6, and the beat the Twolves to advance to the Finals.

NBA Finals, Game One Lakers versus the Pistons. The Lakers are finally playing to their potential, hitting on all cylinders, what ever cliché out of the book you would like. But what happens? The Lakers some how have managed to regress to their mid season form of stand around and watch Shaq and/or Kobe play. Karl Malone? Didn’t show up. Him and Gary Payton must have gone home for the summer. Post Series with the Timberwolves, all Karl Malone talked about was how he had not achieved his goal, he came to win the Title, but did he show up? NOPE. How can someone who plays basketball for millions of dollars for several years, not show up when at the pinnacle? The big two scored like 65 points between them, and no one else scored more than 5. Guys looked afraid to shoot, looked like if they didn’t pass to Shaq, that they would be drawn and quartered. Hopefully Game 2, the Lakers will remove their heads from the proverbial a$$holes, and breath some fresh air, and put the ball into the bucket. While they are at it, they can play a little defense. The precise moment of Game 1 that defeat was in hand, was the Laker’s first possession. Kobe “the blackhole” Bryant, back of the three point line, stands there, palming the ball, staring at the defender, then begins to dribble in. Not a standard dribble, but back and forth, between the legs, like 4 times. No wonder the whole team was out of sync.

2 hours of sheer boredom, with 5 minutes of actual usefulness

How many people out there work in an office type environment? I do, and I must say, it is the height of tedium. I used to think high school history was boring, staring at the clock, tick tock, tick tock. Well that pales in comparison to Meeting. Meeting occurs ever 2 weeks, when Blah graces us with his presence. Blah comes in, cracks a lame joke, and expects his serfs to bow down to him and fawn over him. Much like Jennifer Lopez doing an interview, minus the killer ass. Blah pontificates about how great he is, in his skillful maneuvering with the other managers that Blah associates with. Never mind the fact that Blah is the butt of many of their jokes, much like the pointy haired chap in the Dilbert cartoons. Today I sat in Meeting, while Blah was rambling, and it occurred to me. Meeting is much like the opening scenes of the movie Summer School (on sale now at Best Buy for 9.99 DVD) Mark Harmon is up, teaching away. The camera pans to the class, and people are sleeping, reading a magazine, talking, so on and so forth. In my meeting, Mr X. was surfing the internet, I was chatting with BK, and the two office ladies were doing their own thing. No one likes Blah. When Blah discusses things of importance, Blah rambles on, making things so confusing. Blah makes Meetings last twice as long as they should. Meetings suck, they waist my time. I would rather watch a bad movie, like Gigli, than sit in Meeting with Blah.

PS. The conference room that houses Meeting has some wonderful artwork. Cheesy art work that you buy at office depot. At least it is not the lame inspirational stuff you see. It is a wolf, and it stares at the seat where Blah sits. Wolf has a look on his face, much like I imagine on mine, of "What the Hell are you Talking about" Its a look that Arnold gives when he said "What you talkin 'bout Willis?" with an angry edge. I look at it when Blah speaks, it makes me laugh.

Crazy Monkey Part 2

Arriving today into the office...

CM:Hi, how was the Movie?
Me:Uh.... We got there too late. We went to Ontario and were like 5 minutes late...

I turn to set down my bag and shades, look down to see a coworker and blog follower.... Known as BWS (Big Willie Style). BWS is silently laughing his ass off, flashing what I used to say a shit eating grin. Having thought about the term, why would you smile if you were eating shit. So lets just say its an ear to ear smile, with the convulsions of laughter, but thankfully it was quiet. CM was cut off from view by the partitions of his "cubicle". Everything was fine till this point, I was calm, had the poker face going. Then I see BWS, and I start sporting a smile, struggling to stay calm. I turn back around to CM, and see him silently mouth "I'm sorry". Well it could have been "I love you", being that the mouth movements are all similar. I am going to assume it was "I'm Sorry". I reassure him that it wasn't his fault, that traffic and money and blah blah blah. CM is not dumb, well, actually he is, but the man has been to a movie or two in his life, and knows that you don't miss anything if you are 5 minutes late. So tonight as I sleep I shall pray that tomorrow does not bring the unleashing of Disgruntled Monkey....

He who is known as Crazy Monkey

Now here's a little story I'd like to tell
about a Crazy Monkey you know so well
It started way back in history
with Brian, Mr. X and me, Jedi C
He had a lil problem that was so severe,
so I'd go home and drink a lot of beer
been a throwing up my hands
kicking up plans,
Crazy monkey on my tail cause he thinks I'm a fan.

/*sung to the tune of Beastie Boys,Paul Revere*/

So leaving work today, Crazy Monkey accosted me in the parking lot as I was departing (see The Chronicles of Mr. X for the lowdown) Mr. X swung down from high on Mount Olympus, and with Zeus like strength of wit, batted away CM like the unwanted pest he is. However, with the technique that Mr. X used, there was some follow up creativity that needed to be devised.

(picking up after the MR. X account of events)
CM:So what movie are you going to see
JC: Uhhhh.... Troy
CM: Oh cool, let me know how it is, I hear its good.
JC: Okay CM, catch you tomorrow.

For the moment I am safe, but I realize that I am at a crossroad with my relationship with CM. If i tell him the truth, he will undoubtedly be hurt, become sad monkey. Possibly even morph from Angry Monkey, into Disgruntled Monkey, you know the kind that show up to work with an AK-47 and a pound of C4 strapped to his chest. I know someday that will happen, but i hope when the day comes, that i will be on DM's good side, and his homicidal rage will spare me.

I begin to sweat, knowing that a tough decision is coming. I call Mr. X, to inform him of the aftermath, and to devise strategy. The strategy is set, we made it late to the theater, as we had to go to Ontario Mills, So hopefully Crazy Monkey will not become the super villain Disgruntled Monkey when he learns of the outcome. Stay tuned, more news as it breaks.