That's no moon.....

What the Fuck!!!!!!
CNN.com - Man trying to lose 800 pounds - Aug 11, 2004
Look Jabba, even I get boarded some times.
okay so maybe i should be a bit more sympathetic to the immense, being that i am a fat ass myself (but under 275). But i mean damn, 1000 lbs? You have to want to be that big, i dont care what anyone says. At some point, probably where u cant even get out of bed, you might realize its time to stop shoveling in the chocolate and sour cream covered steaks into your pie hole! "He has battled heart failure, thyroid problems, diabetes, pulmonary hypertension and arthritis" oh yeah? what about gravity? My Goodness!!!

Bad Movie I Love, the guilty pleasure

Armageddon. It's a bad movie, not even closed to realistic, full of bad overacting, and plot holes galore. But there is something about it that I can just watch it over and over again. I just don't know what it is about it. I even get a bit misty at the end, when Harry stays behind to blow the nuke, and has the touching little goodbye scene with Grace. Then they land, happy reunions, they roil the credits, and A.J. and Grace are getting married, with the picture of Harry watching over them... very emotional. By all formulas that I have to determine if a movie is bad or not, Armageddon should be unwatchable. Who knows, maybe its the little kid in me who wants to go save the world and be a hero.

No, I don't want to know, Alanis.....

Over the weekend, or maybe even last week, I was watching VH-1's I Love the 90s.  Well I didn't see the whole story, but I saw enough to send me looking upon the internet for clarification. Today at work, I took use of the ample data access I have at the office, and doing anything but working, I put aside the game of freecell to pursue an answer. And while not a definitive answer, it was good enough for me.  So you must be asking, what was it that sent me searching the internet for an answer?  They said that Alanis Morrisette’s most famous song “You Oughta Know” was written about that dorky guy Joey from Full House. HUH???
            Now not that I am some huge Alanis fan, but I have really enjoyed that song throughout the years,  and how can you not like a song where the woman admits going down on people in movie theaters? (well maybe she wouldn’t and the new girlfriend will, but still, its mentioned in the song, good enough for me).  So now the song is ruined for me. I listened to it today a few times, hoping that I could still enjoy it, but alas, the thrill is gone. Now I just sit there, shake my head, and think how stupid it is, that she’s going down on Joey from Full house… probably with Bob Saget and the Olson twins in the back row

The Demise of Society and the Jerry Springer Show!

Laying in bed on Monday with my girlfriend, who held the remote, she flipped on the Jerry Springer Show.  Over the years, the show has gotten worse and worse.  Just as I thought it couldn’t get much worse, there was this morning’s episode.  It was about people that had been seduced.  To reset: There were 2 girls and one guy. The two girls were waitresses at Hooters.  One was semi attractive, the other one… wasn’t (they must have been from the Hooters in Ontario CA).  So the guy, who had been with the semi attractive one for 7 months, in love, yadda yadda yadda.  Well he was having sexual relations with the ugly skank one.  Girlfriend finds out, causes drama, boyfriend cries on TV about how sorry he was and it was a mistake, and the ugly skank was evil and he gave in to temptation.  As retribution, girlfriend makes boyfriend eat bull testicles to prove his love, to make things right. So homie chokes down the bull balls, and as he is done, girlfriend dumps him anyways.  Now we all know this show is fake, that these are staged, and it was probably some meatball he actually ate.

What came to mind was how much worse could this show get?  The low point I thought were the shows were the transsexual girlfriend sleeps with the unknowing boyfriend’s mother, while Dad sits in the closet masturbating.  Well apparently I was wrong.  So now I am waiting for the next incarnation of terrible Jerry Springer show, a reenactment of the Roman times of throwing Christians to the Lions, however this time, The Jerry Springer show will be the Romans, the Christians will be 13 year old girls, and the Lions, well that will be Roman Polanski.  Or if he is unavailable, they can get Michael Jackson. 

Trainspotting Character

I only post this, because I dig the movie. Oh and my friend Ryan calls me Begbie....


Which Trainspotting Character Are You?

Fortunate

I consider myself to be pretty fortunate to have been raised in Southern
California. One of the reason's is the availability of excellent Mexican
Food. Being one of my favorite foods, I find that when I travel, I like to
go look for it. Hence this weekend, in the Seattle area, actually closer to
the hated Canada than Seattle, I enticed my gf and her sister to take me to
the local Mexican establishment. Sister identified the "good" place, and
away we went. We enter, and wow, there are actually Mexicans there, okay
there is an instant plus (yes I was expecting an Asian ran establishment).
So we sit down, order up some cervezas and have some chips n salsa. BAM! The
night is ruined already. The salsa tastes like someone took ketchup,
chopped up some green peppers, and tossed in some chili powder. (I equate
this reaction, to an Italian's reaction to having spaghetti with ketchup on
it)
Anyways, I order a chimichanga. Well let's just say I have had
better Chimichangas from Taco Bell, and leave it at that. So the theory
holds true, get away from So Cal, Arizona, or Texas, and you ain't getting
no Mexican food.

Biggest Idiot in the World

Walking along the streets in downtown Seattle over the weekend, I remembered an amusing tale that I would like to share. This guy who was in my college fraternity was walking around in Hollywood one night a few years ago. He allegedly walked up to a parked car, and allegedly asked for directions to some place. However, the fine officers of the LAPD thought otherwise, and he was cited for Male Prostitution. Now the kicker is, he didn't fight it, he just paid his fine and went about his business. Now this guy has a Male Prostitution wrap on his record, and all he did was "ask someone directions"

Bad Math

Not to burst Mr. X’s bubble, but in his blog, Math of Blogging, he states that 4days increases by 5days, to equal 20 days. Okay so 4x5=20. Worded funny, but I follow along. The bad part comes that, by following his logic, that the next incrimate would be at 80days. 20x5=80. HUH?? Maybe by Communist math my friend, but in the Good Ole’ United States, 20x5=100. So it will be 100 days until How Bad Can it Be is updated. So we still have 89 days to go, not 69. To answer one of the earlier questions, of how bad can ‘How Bad Can it Be’ actually be? Well not as bad as your math……

Dead Pool: Who wants in?

To continue a comrade's dead pool and post my own entries:

Pope John Paul II
Gerald Ford
Jimmy Carter
Kobe Bryant (either Shaq or some lifer in Colorado who finds him pretty will get him)
50 Cent (10th times a charm)
I would say George W., but I don't want to incur the wrath of the Secret Service
Fidel Castro
Tommy Lasorda
George Steinbrenner (PLEASE GOD!!!!)
Phil Jackson
Mickey Rooney
Britney Spears (good girl my ass)
Mary Kate or Ashley Olson

Funny thing is, I did one of these 6 years ago, with 4 of the same picks.....

The deal with Pink?

So this weekend, I went to Erotica LA. It was a convention for what it sounds like it was. It was highly disappointing. I expected to see tons of hot stripper looking girls walking around in thigh hi platform boots, and not much else on. Oh yes there were a few attractive ladies in the building, but they were mostly all in the audience. I got to see first hand how well lighting, makeup, and an airbrush can do to make a mediocre girl look attractive.

But what I really want to know is, what the hell is the deal with pink? My god, every booth that was selling stuff, it was all pink. Pink tshirts, pink panties, pink boots, pink @#$@#$@, pink this and pink that. I was hoping to get something in yellow for my lady friend who could not attend, but to no avail, it was all pink. And most of the ladies there were all dressed in pink. If I see another skank in Pink, I am going to puke!

Trip to Petco Park

I just made my first pilgrimage to Petco Park, down in San Diego. The Padres lost to the Blue Jays, 3-2, because their catcher is soft, and plays ole' style defense instead of blocking the plate. The point of this post is not to pound on the catcher. It is infact to comment on the new stadium. 450 million dollars to built the new joint in downtown, next to the Convention Center.

I will have to say that I do not like the new stadium, it is just too much. Oh the field is nice, the scoreboard is sweet, the view is clean, the seats are all comfortable. But looking around the concourse, its just too much. The goal of the stadium, and many of the new stadiums is to capture that rustic feeling of the past stadiums. The outer facade is covered with imported sandstone from India. Looks nice, but not on a baseball stadium. You walk in the gates, and there is an elaborate waterfall. You climb up a lofty flight of stairs, and are in the main plaza. You walk to your seats, going though this area that looks like some upscale mall, like the Forum Shops in Las Vegas. Like I said, it is just too much. It feels like you are going to an Opera House, not a baseball stadium. All in all, I think I like Qualcomm Stadium better, but I guess time will tell.

Strange things in the bathroom!

At work today, I am in the bathroom, doing my morning routine. Someone comes in and sits in the stall 2 down from me. Then I hear the funniest thing, "SHIT"...."FUCKER"....."DAMMIT"...."PUSSY"......"CUNT"...... then the guy finished up, washed his hands and left.  Now I think I know who it was, but I don't want to speculate. Fortunately I haven't been walking down the hall and bumped into him, but I know I would bust up laughing. Now the question is, is the guy so uptight he cannot let anyone knows he swears? Or did he just finish an argument with the wife that set him off??

Religious Phrases

So did the Hindu coin the phrase "Holy Cow"?

The Reagan Funeral Procession

Is it just me, or is anyone else waiting for a White Bronco to come drive up next to the hearse. In case you didnt get the reference, the coverage, the spectators, reminds me a lot of the OJ chase 10 years ago. GO Juice GO!! Flee from DirectTV's persecution!!

Kobe and the Ladies of the world

Something strikes me as funny these days. I was at the Angels game last night, and because of the Laker game, a lot of people were in the Lakers purple n gold. There were quite a few women that were wearing Kobe Bryant jerseys. I find it odd to see this. Now I assume that everyone out there knows about the legal situation of Kobe Bryant, so I will not reset. I know everyone is Innocent until proven guilty, but I know I would not wear jersey of an alleged rapist. If he didn't rape that girl, he still is a Womanizer, and an Adulterer. I guess Women only care about such things when their team isn't in the playoff hunt. Still, you don't see many women wearing OJ Simpson jerseys....

Movie Etiquette

Few crimes in this world should be punishable by death: Murder, Rape, Treason, Child Molestation, Talking on a cell phone during a movie. I do not understand it, why pay 10 bucks for a movie, and then talk on the cell phone during the film? Not to mention pissing off the entire crowd that happens to be in ear shot. The ushers should come up to the person on the cell, bust out the pistol, and deliver the cold lead of justice right then and there, no judge, no jury, no lawyers, no bs OJ “the glove don’t fit, you must acquit” crap.

Not to insult the retarded......

Unlike most my real world tales, I will not preface this one with something to do with work. This may or may not be a coworker, but I will not tell. I have an acquaintance, who has a single male child. This male child is a piece of work, well as far as I can tell, having never met him. All I hear is stories. Rumor has it that child was written off as "not intelligent" by mom when he was in high school. Well Junior (his nickname for story purposes)is 21, maybe 22, has no job, no drivers license, no friends and never known the touch of a woman (a man? well that might be possible). Junior does nothing all day, not even college, but that happens when you fail remedial coloring for the 3rd time (damn staying in the lines). I would say the kid is a retard, but i don't want some Louis Farrikan type guy in a helmet drooling on himself, coke bottle glasses, saying "don't insult the retarded by including us with him" (in the slowest speech possible)
So what has incurred my wrath? Nothing recently, but my friend and I were talking one day, with Junior's mother afoot. We were discussing the acquisition of some Star Wars figures related to the new movie coming out soon (this was a while ago). We discussed how we went to different shops, looking for the individual figures and so on. Well the next day mom comes back around, and says "oh I told Junior about what you said, he said you need to get a life!" Floored, I couldn't react. It is very rarely that I am so shocked that I have nothing to say. In fact everyone else just got really quiet as well. My friend and I just kind of stared at each other, unsure what to say. Here is a deadbeat kid, in the truest sense of the word, insulting me, a college educated, gainfully employed person, and my friend, married, owns a house, college educated. To this day that still bothers me. I don't know why.....

Lord Stanley's Cup

I don't know who Lord Stanley is. However, somehow his cup has become one of the most revered sports trophy in North America, if not the world. Watching the Tampa Bay Lightning skate in victory over the evil Canadian's from Calgary (yes I know many of the Lightning are Canadians, but it's my blog, and I'll write what I want) made me think how great it would be if the Stanely Cup tradition was carried around to other sports. Even better would be if it carried around to the business world. Close a million dollar deal? Run around with office with a huge silver cup over your head, eat cereal out of it, take it to the strip club and let strippers fondle it. Ahh the possibilities... errr well maybe it is not the best idea, but nothing would be cooler to hoist the Stanley Cup as I skated around the rink in triumph.

Ronald Reagan

The reason I consider myself a Republican these days (although that is quickly changing) is because of Ronald Reagan. Being born in 74, I pretty much became sentient during the Reagan Years (a.k.a. the 80s) Times were good from my perspective. The Red Menace was wiped away, the economy recovered from high inflation, and music got sooo much better. Needless to say I have a fondness for the former President. In the last few days, I have had more than a few people say "oh i am so saddened by him dying" People on the news, bawling their eyes out because he had passed. Ronald Reagan was 93 years old. I believe that is like 15 years pass the national average. The man was old, old people die, it is a fact of life. The saddening thing, is that he lived out those 15 years with a debilitating disease, Alzhiemer's. The man spent most of his life in the public eye, governor and president. He deserved better than that.

Don't Blog from the office

In one part audition for a spot on ESPN.com Page Two, part attempt to be humorous, but mostly genuine emotion about my hoops team, my earlier Laker post has taught me one thing, Don't blog at work. I am a very streaky writer, always have been, always will be. I have to be in the Zone. One time, post high school, I was in the Zone for six month, where I had begun my great Novel. I was in the zone, the day of the Lakers rant, the words flowed from my finger tips, as if I had tapped a great river. However, much like the beaver, the horde of Government Workers conspired to dam my river. As I banged away on my overpriced MS Keyboard, one came in "oh how do I print" another "Oh i cant find my email" Even one called to ask how to read directions. I shit you not. Now my river of creative writing had dried up, I felt like a boxer, on the ropes, head pounded in, delirious, flailing my arms about hoping to connect a blow. I pounded away on the keyboard, struggling to maintain coherent thought, let alone regain the flow. But i persevered, limping across the finish line. So moral of the story is, don't blog in the office where you know someone will interrupt you. On second thought, just throw on the headphones, and ignore the world, and blog away.....