Briliant Idea!

Sorry I haven't posted in a while, I find myself coming up with wonderful ideas when I am very offline. But I felt that I must share this one with you kids out there.

So you know how every time some public figure dies, they lower the flags to half staff for a few days? Especially when Gerald Ford died, its been a month, and still the flags are half staff. Now this normally wouldn't bother me, except that the Flag Code states two weeks max I believe.

Also, you know how everyone has a sticker on their window to memorialize a dead friend or relative? It is pretty tacky if you ask me. But I had an idea! From now on, any agency honoring the dead is required to put vinyl stickers on the windows of their vehicles. For example, all the post office trucks should be sporting "In Memory Gerald Ford, 1920-2006". What do you think? Golden idea for all the vinyl sticker printers.

New Job

Earlier in a post, I mentioned having an interview with an esteemed university, a university not the one I currently attend. Well last week I was offered said job at university, and I accepted. I meant to blog about it last week, but got busy with the holidays, and the lame class projects I have been burdened with.

Job title will be Systems Manager, and hopefully it will go well. I am a bit apprehensive about it, but honestly felt no choice but to leave the county, lest I be fired for going off on the imbecile co worker, or mouthing off to incompetent leader. However I will miss the comfort of the county life, the coming to work at 8 when I am scheduled for 7:30, getting a day off on moments notice, the 2 hour lunch, the hour long debate over what Kate and Sawyer did on Lost last night.

Over the weekend, when I should be basking in the glow of new employment mixed with turkey leftovers, I felt myself feeling a spot of dread. A revelation came to me... my new job is going to suck as bad as my last job! After pondering for most of this morning, I came to the conclusion that its not just my current place of employ that I don't like, its more the career field I dislike. For 6.5 years I have tended to the computers of others, and I find it to be a trifle bit boring. I feel better about new job now, realizing what has been bothering me for years when it comes to job seeking. Perhaps when I finish my masters I can consider a career change without taking a 30k hit to the pocket book per annum.

EFF the south!

A little amusing tale that I saw on the internet today:

"Fuck the South. Fuck 'em. We should have let them go when they wanted to leave. But no, we had to kill half a million people so they'd stay part of our special Union. Fighting for the right to keep slaves - yeah, those are states we want to keep.

And now what do we get? We're the fucking Arrogant Northeast Liberal Elite? How about this for arrogant: the South is the Real America? The Authentic America. Really?

Cause we fucking founded this country, assholes. Those Founding Fathers you keep going on and on about? All that bullshit about what you think they meant by the Second Amendment giving you the right to keep your assault weapons in the glove compartment because you didn't bother to read the first half of the fucking sentence? Who do you think those wig-wearing lacy-shirt sporting revolutionaries were? They were fucking blue-staters, dickhead. Boston? Philadelphia? New York? Hello? Think there might be a reason all the fucking monuments are up here in our backyard?

No, No. Get the fuck out. We're not letting you visit the Liberty Bell and fucking Plymouth Rock anymore until you get over your real American selves and start respecting those other nine amendments. Who do you think those fucking stripes on the flag are for? Nine are for fucking blue states. And it would be 10 if those Vermonters had gotten their fucking Subarus together and broken off from New York a little earlier. Get it? We started this shit, so don't get all uppity about how real you are you Johnny-come-lately "Oooooh I've been a state for almost a hundred years" dickheads. Fuck off.

Arrogant? You wanna talk about us Northeasterners being fucking arrogant? What's more American than arrogance? Hmmm? Maybe horsies? I don't think so. Arrogance is the fucking cornerstone of what it means to be American. And I wouldn't be so fucking arrogant if I wasn't paying for your fucking bridges, bitch.

All those Federal taxes you love to hate? It all comes from us and goes to you, so shut up and enjoy your fucking Tennessee Valley Authority electricity and your fancy highways that we paid for. And the next time Florida gets hit by a hurricane you can come crying to us if you want to, but you're the ones who built on a fucking swamp. "Let the Spanish keep it, it’s a shithole," we said, but you had to have your fucking orange juice.

The next dickwad who says, "It’s your money, not the government's money" is gonna get their ass kicked. Nine of the ten states that get the most federal fucking dollars and pay the least... can you guess? Go on, guess. That’s right, motherfucker, they're red states. And eight of the ten states that receive the least and pay the most? It’s too easy, asshole, they’re blue states. It’s not your money, assholes, it’s fucking our money. What was that Real American Value you were spouting a minute ago? Self reliance? Try this for self reliance: buy your own fucking stop signs, assholes.

Let’s talk about those values for a fucking minute. You and your Southern values can bite my ass because the blue states got the values over you fucking Real Americans every day of the goddamn week. Which state do you think has the lowest divorce rate you marriage-hyping dickwads? Well? Can you guess? It’s fucking Massachusetts, the fucking center of the gay marriage universe. Yes, that’s right, the state you love to tie around the neck of anyone to the left of Strom Thurmond has the lowest divorce rate in the fucking nation. Think that’s just some aberration? How about this: 9 of the 10 lowest divorce rates are fucking blue states, asshole, and most are in the Northeast, where our values suck so bad. And where are the highest divorce rates? Care to fucking guess? 10 of the top 10 are fucking red-ass we're-so-fucking-moral states. And while Nevada is the worst, the Bible Belt is doing its fucking part.

But two guys making out is going to fucking ruin marriage for you? Yeah? Seems like you're ruining it pretty well on your own, you little bastards. Oh, but that's ok because you go to church, right? I mean you do, right? Cause we fucking get to hear about it every goddamn year at election time. Yes, we're fascinated by how you get up every Sunday morning and sing, and then you're fucking towers of moral superiority. Yeah, that's a workable formula. Maybe us fucking Northerners don't talk about religion as much as you because we're not so busy sinning, hmmm? Ever think of that, you self-righteous assholes? No, you're too busy erecting giant stone tablets of the Ten Commandments in buildings paid for by the fucking Northeast Liberal Elite. And who has the highest murder rates in the nation? It ain't us up here in the North, assholes.

Well this gravy train is fucking over. Take your liberal-bashing, federal-tax-leaching, confederate-flag-waving, holier-than-thou, hypocritical bullshit and shove it up your ass.

And no, you can't have your fucking convention in New York next time. Fuck off."

From www.fuckthesouth.com

Return of the Mack

Don't call it a comeback, I've been here for years.....

Okay well not really. Obviously I haven't been blogging for quite some time. Not here anyways. Like my friend James Todd Smith who provided the quote above, I have been venturing out into different things. As I type, I am sitting in my graduate information management class and the glorious institution known as Cal State San Bernardino. Yes kids, I have returned to the realm of academia, kicking and screaming the entire way. Why did I choose to return to the place of my undergraduate studies? The school that took my money and gave me little in return other than the piece of paper signed by the now dethroned Grey Davis. Well that is a little big of an overstatement, I did enjoy the social interactions of college, just felt like I missed out. Oh well water under the bridge I guess.

So what is new you might ask? Well found me a girlfriend. Met her surprisingly enough at CSUSB back when we were undergrads, but really started talking to her recently on Myspace, and we have been dating since the Fourth of July.

Work sucks. I recently interviewed at the University of Redlands for a systems manager, and keep hoping to hear the good news, but it has been a week, they were in a hurry to hire someone, so my hopes are waining. Although there was a holiday mixed into the equation.

Well I have dusted off this blog for my class. We have to make a website, and one part of that is a blog. So tada! Here is my entry for that. But in rereading my posts from the days of yore, makes me realize that I really had fun writing the previous posts, so expect to see more of it. Maybe I will mix in a bit of Best Buy gossip, since that is where the ole lady grabs a paycheck, and I spend most of mine! Until next time folks, I bid you well.

Dumb Republicans

Things you have to believe to be a Republican today


Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a conservative radio host. Then it's an illness and you need our prayers for your recovery.

The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our highest national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq.

"Standing Tall for America" means firing your workers and moving their jobs to India.

Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.

The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.

Group sex and drug use are degenerate sins unless you someday run for governor of California as a Republican.

If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.

If everyone had a gun, teenagers could shoot the angry kid in school before he shoots anyone else.

A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our long-time allies, then demand their cooperation and money.

HMOs and insurance companies have the interest of the public at heart.

Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy. Providing health care to all Americans is socialism.

Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in public schools.

Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him and a bad guy when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion.

A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense. A president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy.

You support states' rights, which mean Attorney General John Ashcroft can tell states what local voter initiatives they have a right to adopt.

What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest, but what Bush did in the '80s is irrelevant.

Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.

The Christian Right has a monopoly on family values, and hate is one of them.

The separation of Church and State applies only to nations under Islamic rule.

Bear holds his liquor

I wonder if i partied with this bear in my college days.....
Bear gets shit faced

They should teach him keg stands

Take that Lazy Monkey

Hmm, a cure to a certain monkey problem I have around my office.....
CNN.com - Gene�blocking turns monkeys into workaholics - Aug 11, 2004

That's no moon.....

What the Fuck!!!!!!
CNN.com - Man trying to lose 800 pounds - Aug 11, 2004
Look Jabba, even I get boarded some times.
okay so maybe i should be a bit more sympathetic to the immense, being that i am a fat ass myself (but under 275). But i mean damn, 1000 lbs? You have to want to be that big, i dont care what anyone says. At some point, probably where u cant even get out of bed, you might realize its time to stop shoveling in the chocolate and sour cream covered steaks into your pie hole! "He has battled heart failure, thyroid problems, diabetes, pulmonary hypertension and arthritis" oh yeah? what about gravity? My Goodness!!!

Bad Movie I Love, the guilty pleasure

Armageddon. It's a bad movie, not even closed to realistic, full of bad overacting, and plot holes galore. But there is something about it that I can just watch it over and over again. I just don't know what it is about it. I even get a bit misty at the end, when Harry stays behind to blow the nuke, and has the touching little goodbye scene with Grace. Then they land, happy reunions, they roil the credits, and A.J. and Grace are getting married, with the picture of Harry watching over them... very emotional. By all formulas that I have to determine if a movie is bad or not, Armageddon should be unwatchable. Who knows, maybe its the little kid in me who wants to go save the world and be a hero.

No, I don't want to know, Alanis.....

Over the weekend, or maybe even last week, I was watching VH-1's I Love the 90s.  Well I didn't see the whole story, but I saw enough to send me looking upon the internet for clarification. Today at work, I took use of the ample data access I have at the office, and doing anything but working, I put aside the game of freecell to pursue an answer. And while not a definitive answer, it was good enough for me.  So you must be asking, what was it that sent me searching the internet for an answer?  They said that Alanis Morrisette’s most famous song “You Oughta Know” was written about that dorky guy Joey from Full House. HUH???
            Now not that I am some huge Alanis fan, but I have really enjoyed that song throughout the years,  and how can you not like a song where the woman admits going down on people in movie theaters? (well maybe she wouldn’t and the new girlfriend will, but still, its mentioned in the song, good enough for me).  So now the song is ruined for me. I listened to it today a few times, hoping that I could still enjoy it, but alas, the thrill is gone. Now I just sit there, shake my head, and think how stupid it is, that she’s going down on Joey from Full house… probably with Bob Saget and the Olson twins in the back row

The Demise of Society and the Jerry Springer Show!

Laying in bed on Monday with my girlfriend, who held the remote, she flipped on the Jerry Springer Show.  Over the years, the show has gotten worse and worse.  Just as I thought it couldn’t get much worse, there was this morning’s episode.  It was about people that had been seduced.  To reset: There were 2 girls and one guy. The two girls were waitresses at Hooters.  One was semi attractive, the other one… wasn’t (they must have been from the Hooters in Ontario CA).  So the guy, who had been with the semi attractive one for 7 months, in love, yadda yadda yadda.  Well he was having sexual relations with the ugly skank one.  Girlfriend finds out, causes drama, boyfriend cries on TV about how sorry he was and it was a mistake, and the ugly skank was evil and he gave in to temptation.  As retribution, girlfriend makes boyfriend eat bull testicles to prove his love, to make things right. So homie chokes down the bull balls, and as he is done, girlfriend dumps him anyways.  Now we all know this show is fake, that these are staged, and it was probably some meatball he actually ate.

What came to mind was how much worse could this show get?  The low point I thought were the shows were the transsexual girlfriend sleeps with the unknowing boyfriend’s mother, while Dad sits in the closet masturbating.  Well apparently I was wrong.  So now I am waiting for the next incarnation of terrible Jerry Springer show, a reenactment of the Roman times of throwing Christians to the Lions, however this time, The Jerry Springer show will be the Romans, the Christians will be 13 year old girls, and the Lions, well that will be Roman Polanski.  Or if he is unavailable, they can get Michael Jackson. 

Trainspotting Character

I only post this, because I dig the movie. Oh and my friend Ryan calls me Begbie....


Which Trainspotting Character Are You?

Fortunate

I consider myself to be pretty fortunate to have been raised in Southern
California. One of the reason's is the availability of excellent Mexican
Food. Being one of my favorite foods, I find that when I travel, I like to
go look for it. Hence this weekend, in the Seattle area, actually closer to
the hated Canada than Seattle, I enticed my gf and her sister to take me to
the local Mexican establishment. Sister identified the "good" place, and
away we went. We enter, and wow, there are actually Mexicans there, okay
there is an instant plus (yes I was expecting an Asian ran establishment).
So we sit down, order up some cervezas and have some chips n salsa. BAM! The
night is ruined already. The salsa tastes like someone took ketchup,
chopped up some green peppers, and tossed in some chili powder. (I equate
this reaction, to an Italian's reaction to having spaghetti with ketchup on
it)
Anyways, I order a chimichanga. Well let's just say I have had
better Chimichangas from Taco Bell, and leave it at that. So the theory
holds true, get away from So Cal, Arizona, or Texas, and you ain't getting
no Mexican food.

Biggest Idiot in the World

Walking along the streets in downtown Seattle over the weekend, I remembered an amusing tale that I would like to share. This guy who was in my college fraternity was walking around in Hollywood one night a few years ago. He allegedly walked up to a parked car, and allegedly asked for directions to some place. However, the fine officers of the LAPD thought otherwise, and he was cited for Male Prostitution. Now the kicker is, he didn't fight it, he just paid his fine and went about his business. Now this guy has a Male Prostitution wrap on his record, and all he did was "ask someone directions"

Bad Math

Not to burst Mr. X’s bubble, but in his blog, Math of Blogging, he states that 4days increases by 5days, to equal 20 days. Okay so 4x5=20. Worded funny, but I follow along. The bad part comes that, by following his logic, that the next incrimate would be at 80days. 20x5=80. HUH?? Maybe by Communist math my friend, but in the Good Ole’ United States, 20x5=100. So it will be 100 days until How Bad Can it Be is updated. So we still have 89 days to go, not 69. To answer one of the earlier questions, of how bad can ‘How Bad Can it Be’ actually be? Well not as bad as your math……

Dead Pool: Who wants in?

To continue a comrade's dead pool and post my own entries:

Pope John Paul II
Gerald Ford
Jimmy Carter
Kobe Bryant (either Shaq or some lifer in Colorado who finds him pretty will get him)
50 Cent (10th times a charm)
I would say George W., but I don't want to incur the wrath of the Secret Service
Fidel Castro
Tommy Lasorda
George Steinbrenner (PLEASE GOD!!!!)
Phil Jackson
Mickey Rooney
Britney Spears (good girl my ass)
Mary Kate or Ashley Olson

Funny thing is, I did one of these 6 years ago, with 4 of the same picks.....

The deal with Pink?

So this weekend, I went to Erotica LA. It was a convention for what it sounds like it was. It was highly disappointing. I expected to see tons of hot stripper looking girls walking around in thigh hi platform boots, and not much else on. Oh yes there were a few attractive ladies in the building, but they were mostly all in the audience. I got to see first hand how well lighting, makeup, and an airbrush can do to make a mediocre girl look attractive.

But what I really want to know is, what the hell is the deal with pink? My god, every booth that was selling stuff, it was all pink. Pink tshirts, pink panties, pink boots, pink @#$@#$@, pink this and pink that. I was hoping to get something in yellow for my lady friend who could not attend, but to no avail, it was all pink. And most of the ladies there were all dressed in pink. If I see another skank in Pink, I am going to puke!

Trip to Petco Park

I just made my first pilgrimage to Petco Park, down in San Diego. The Padres lost to the Blue Jays, 3-2, because their catcher is soft, and plays ole' style defense instead of blocking the plate. The point of this post is not to pound on the catcher. It is infact to comment on the new stadium. 450 million dollars to built the new joint in downtown, next to the Convention Center.

I will have to say that I do not like the new stadium, it is just too much. Oh the field is nice, the scoreboard is sweet, the view is clean, the seats are all comfortable. But looking around the concourse, its just too much. The goal of the stadium, and many of the new stadiums is to capture that rustic feeling of the past stadiums. The outer facade is covered with imported sandstone from India. Looks nice, but not on a baseball stadium. You walk in the gates, and there is an elaborate waterfall. You climb up a lofty flight of stairs, and are in the main plaza. You walk to your seats, going though this area that looks like some upscale mall, like the Forum Shops in Las Vegas. Like I said, it is just too much. It feels like you are going to an Opera House, not a baseball stadium. All in all, I think I like Qualcomm Stadium better, but I guess time will tell.

Strange things in the bathroom!

At work today, I am in the bathroom, doing my morning routine. Someone comes in and sits in the stall 2 down from me. Then I hear the funniest thing, "SHIT"...."FUCKER"....."DAMMIT"...."PUSSY"......"CUNT"...... then the guy finished up, washed his hands and left.  Now I think I know who it was, but I don't want to speculate. Fortunately I haven't been walking down the hall and bumped into him, but I know I would bust up laughing. Now the question is, is the guy so uptight he cannot let anyone knows he swears? Or did he just finish an argument with the wife that set him off??

Religious Phrases

So did the Hindu coin the phrase "Holy Cow"?